Running on Empty

Not too many people know that I have struggled with an eating disorder for a good majority of my life.  In the past 2 or 3 years, it has reared its ugly head during extremely stressful times.  For the most part, I have it under control.  I found that my active lifestyle (running specifically) has helped keep the eating disorder at bay.  Without fuel or nutrients for the body, there was no way that my body was going to keep up with my maniacal regimen.  I definitely notice a difference in performance and recovery time if I'm not feeding my body with a sufficient and balanced diet.

I run races because I enjoy the enthusiasm in the atmosphere from the other runners, spectators, and volunteers.  In recent races, I have been trying to challenge myself and increase my speed.  Normally, I would not entertain this idea because I don't like putting a lot of pressure on myself and forget the reason why I sign up for the events in the first place.  But, I'm discovering that I'm liking the challenge of shaving time off of each mile which results in an overall lower half or full marathon time.  My best race year was 2010, where I ran all my half marathons under 2 hours (PR: 1:53:38 La Jolla half) and attained my marathon PR (SD RnR - 4:12:06).  During that year, I was also at my lightest weight (between 120-125lbs).  I was convinced that this range was my ideal weight and any deviations above would undoubtedly lead me to slower times or worse yet DNFs.

I came across this article from Runner's World and it reminded me of my sometimes compulsive nature to keep tabs on foods that I eat and whether it has the right nutrients or if it's just wasting my caloric quota for the day.  I don't really restrict myself to any sort of food, but I do tend to run extra / lift more if I indulge in something rich and densely caloric.  Sometimes, I just let it go and figure that it's not every day that I eat like that.  It is difficult to find that balance between eating enough or too much.  It's a bit frustrating to hear people say, "You can eat whatever you want, you run all the time!"  Just because I am as active as I am does not give me free range on what I get to eat.  I still have to practice moderation.

What is the point of all this drivel?  First and foremost, I need to feel comfortable in my own body.  Next, I need to realize in order to keep myself in peak performance, I must feed myself, find that balance, and indulge every once in a while (and continue with the interval training and tempo runs - bah!).  I do realize that this can not happen over night and every once in a while, I will falter.  This does not make me weak, it makes me human.