...And all through my head,
thoughts of failing filled me with dread.
I have been waffling for the past 2 weeks of whether I will run the Rock and Roll San Diego half marathon tomorrow. And until this point, I'm still debating with myself. I have already accepted that this will not be the race in which I will PR. However, I have not accepted that I am not at the level at which I think I should be performing. This is an extremely difficult thought for me to wrestle with as I am a perfectionist. Like many perfectionists, I exhibit the "all or nothing" mentality. If I can't run the shit out of this half marathon, I don't even want to bother with it.
Getting back into running shape has been more of a mental than physical challenge for me. I fight the negative thoughts in my head on a daily basis and more often than I'd like to admit, they win. When this all becomes a struggle, I begin to lose sight of why I run in the first place and that saddens me greatly.
I'm plagued with how to allow myself the grays between success and failure. I'm not lazy, I'm just afraid of failing.
